Going with the flow

sooo its been a while.
and lots has happened, to much though.

anyways just posting to say.
I'm giving up on things once I get back from my vacation.
Those things being potatoe chips, Pop, and all that shitty unhealthy stuff.
Like I love my brothers and their dad. I adore em I do.
but they don't eat healthy, in any way really.

so when I get back I'll get a job near me, use most of the money to buy my own food.
Broccoli, Kiwis, bell peppers, brown rice.
just healthy stuff,
and I'll start my work out again.

I'm really really determined to get healthy.
but it'll be tough I mean, school, the studying, the job...I'll find time though.
I guess this coming year will be the year of me getting organized.
as scary a thought as that is..

Anyways, I should get going.
yesterday I saw the BRATZ movie. oh...my...
and tomorrow I finally get to hang with kathryn, Tuesday I'm at emma's till the friday, then the saturday I hang with Kathryn again, argg busy busy.
but whateverrr its a vacation. I'm going to enjoy it.

BYE

yesterday was Josh and I's one month.
longest relationship Ive EVER had.
Im surprised.

the day before we had a great day, lots of cuddling, giggling, etc.

its not even 7 am -.-...
ugh, and 42 days till the first day of summer.
I can't wait to fly home.
the date hasn't been picked yet but, still Im so excited.

k I should go get ready,
today I get to go to the ghetto of Edmonton.
YUSSSSS, be jealous >_>..

k bubye now.

I TOTALLY forgot about this thing.
I guess I should try to maintain it eh?

Im staying home today, some stupid reason...
I'll just work out or something, blah.
Im so tired =.=
Im going back to bed.
ciao.

its been forever since Ive updated, I signed up fro greatestjournal, so Ive kinda sorta cheated on Lj.

Gj is my mistress ^^. Anyways the break has been pretty uneventful, I mean, christmas was pretty boring, new years I spent with my mom and it was boring. just a, hey mom happy new year. Then I went to bed. Nothing all to exciting happened up till two days ago, I hung out with carley, then yesterday I went to lunch with Kim, Renee, Amy, Jeremy, Jon, Carley, Jamie, and Kyle. It was like a 40 minute thing. I hopped in kims van and every now and again Kyle would do the normal kyle thing and stroke me and rub me and whatnot. He has some wierd power over me -.-. I like him so much, but hes with Jamie so I wont even try. but still I like him alot, hes the first guy IVe had any feelings for, the only guy really. And I dont know what it is about him but...blah..I just know I can never have him, so Im actually trying to get over him. Anyways after the lunch a few of us went to the arcade and whatnot, we took pictures in the disney princess photo booth! :O. Renee dragged me in then Jon and Jeremy joined in after. It was fun ^^ Once I get the pictures I'll put them up.

So yeah I want to go and get healthier. SO yeah today Im going to eat all the chips and drink all the pop in my house so I dont have it to tempt me later. so then tomorrow I'll start the whole lowering my intake, drinking alot of water and eating healthier. Ontop of that, once my back is fully healed I'll start using weights and whatnot. but Ive started jogging with my puppy every walk. its a reason to jog, Running gets your metabolism going, which burns the fat and whatnot. See I used to be like, k if I dont eat at all I'll loose weight. I did loose weight, a whole 40 or..60 pounds. but then I started eating and i gained it back, so anorexia is pointless, yeah I had it but my brothers flew in and I started eating with them and stuff, they made me feel good about myself, family is good that way. Well brothers. MY brothers made me feel like Im not ugly, that Im not huge, and whatnot. So I slowly got out of the whole anorexia schedule =\, and now Im doing it healthy and now Im thinner than Ive ever been. and Im feeling great. Minus my back which I pulled a few days ago. But yeah Im excited for getting healthier and looking better =).

Anorexia-skin and bones+I got sick alot=wrong.
Healthy(Eating right, excercise)-burning fat, having muscle+Barely getting sick-when I do get sick its really bad=Right
well its good for me anyways..
Yeah Im rambling meh, Imma go eat my chips and pop, LAST DAY OF JUNK! XD Im excited.
ciao!.

So friday was a good day, I missed my morning bus, I got to southgate and a million people from school were there cause they missed there bus and some were just to lazy and were skipping first. Anyways I got to school and hung out with Paula, Ellie, Henrick, Jessie, Lindsay, and the ever so adorable Kyle. It was fun , lots of laughing. As always with them it turned dirty in every way hahah.

So I went to second and we watched this movie, the Crucible, Im reading the play of it but the movies baaad. Lunch was boring, math, more boring, french, SO boring, just for the first half though, second half/near the end, me and Carley just jibberjabbering away and Alec commented on something and then we just started arguing, it felt so good =). Then I went home. After though I debated on wether I should go out with sal, cause shes like, lets hang out, and its just the way shes acting, its rather confusing. So I was like, eeek please dont have a crush. Anyways, we did eventually hang out and it was pretty fun, I left her house around 10 and walked home, got home around 11:15, yeah and I was speed walking ontop of my already fast walking. meh so then saturday I went to meet Nestille at Southgate, to work on our project, guh it took forever, but it was pretty fun. Then today was relaxing. I locked myself in the bathroom an had three sweaters and track pants on, cranked the hot water and let it steam up. I sweat like crazy, I feel so good now =). took a shower and now Im watching Mean girls. its the part were the school goes insane. XD.

anyways Imma go to bed, gonna wake up early tomorrow and go for a run =). night.

I came to an odd realization on the bus home today.
Most people get a craving to get hammered, have a good drag on a cigarette, or want to get as high as a kite.
Well I get a crave to cuddle and kiss. I got it on the bus, yeah but it was towards the oddest person, My neighbor and he be taken. Carley just guess -.-...

Anyways it was odd, he was all bouncy on the bus and it was packed so we were just body to body and I havent kissed anybody since Carley o.O. So yeah by now Im like. K imagine a meth addict going cold turkey. Cept stretch that over 10 months. K a better one, imagine going without any caffeine, and the first few days are the most horrible, stretch that over 10 months. Yeah so Im pretty starved of it. Anyways yeah back to it, he was being his normal self and I dunno just something about him is just so open and thats attractive, no I dont have a crush. Anyways thats how the craving came about that point.

Its also struck with..Malwina like twice, random people, Kyle a bajillion times, yeah its just wierd. Its a hunger and I can just feel the persons warmth even thought here not even there. Its really pityfull.

I also want something new, something different in a relationship way. Ive had flings, Ive had relationships, Ive had girlfriends. But Im bi and I havent really explored that other option yet and I want to, so I guess Im stating that I want a boyfriend.

I dunno, no matter how I say it, whenever I think of it, it just seems strange. Ya know, I dont think I should be wanting it but now apparently Im likeable in the more than just friends way with some people. Course alot of its lust hahah.

But still, I know Im just rambling but i want one, and I think ones in my future. course that all depends.

Blah ok Im stopping myself, but I'll just post anything new.
Which I hope there will be new things..

anyways I'll go an..putter around, wait for my mom to get home.
...And now Im officially the sadest person on this planet.

K so this one..was odd, I was with Carley and Jon and I was talking about how I like how she redid her basement, and it was painted like the monster later on in my dream. wierd eh?
Then I remember running and I ran up the stairs and met up with Franny, and a few others and I was saying that it was following me and I was terrified even though everyone else was fine. Then I looked over the rail and saw it. Remember the Darkness falls movie, well take the monsters cloak and paint it blood red and thats what the thing in my dream was wearing. So anyways, it began up the stairs not even touching the ground, and then a few seconds later another one follows, and I think there was another. so that was that and I spazzed and Franny helped me run to my locker to get away from the things, and I was having trouble getting into my locker, not sure why I was even going..But yeah I did and then at the end of the hall was Ryan and Katherine and that really really cute boy Victoria knows. And in my head in the dream I thought I was gonna die so I thought hey why not go and makeout. wierd I know. Then I ran off. Heres the wierd thing, the face of the lead monster thing, was Eva...o.O..
Ontario people dont know her but Carley does. yeah it was Eva :S. Also the second one was like this grade 10 or something...I dunno.

but yeah that was my nightmare...Second one in a row, and I never have nightmares. whats up with me? :S..

well I had a nightmare last night (I just woke up)
Anyways since I have the ability to remember basically the whole thing I'll put it down.
Fromt he point I remember there was Lindsay saying that I was great and keeping the lockers straight.
Then I was walking towards the Caf and Carley started yelling at me and was hitting me so I yanked her hair and pushed her away. Then we resolved it and went for a walk were Carley got a bunch of people from school to throw rocks at me, all missed me but still it was terrifying, then I was running in slow mo and the rocks came at me in slow mo. Then I got into this wierd..shack and walked past a bar and was tempted to go downstairs into blackness then I just walked into the kitchen where I turned around and saw Nestille and then I started crying...

So..I think its ok to say this..WHAT THE FUCK!?O___o
srsly, I never have nightmares..and when I do Carley and half the school is trying to kill me. wow hahaha.

Yesterday I went to WEst edmonton Mall with Kim and Tessa.
it was fun, I bought a pair of briefs, holy crap there so comfy.
I also bought a rockstar energy drink which me and Tessa shared, after the first sip (seriously) me and her both were like *tingle...twitch*HEEEHEHEEHEHEXD!!.
It was pretty funny haha.
anyways, for most of it, it was pretty awkward, I finally noticed that me and Kim arent all that close..oh well..
And Tessa's moving to Belleville, Ontario on December 7th.=(
yeaah, anyways while we were there we visited Amy, yeah it was good, when Kim and Tessa went to wash there hands Amy got shoved by one of her co workers, and being the little firecracker she is she immediatly came back with a slap, it had perfect contact and I could hear it even though I had headphones on hahah.

K that was the Mall part.

The whole internal turmoil part is just..
Well recently(past few days) whenever my mind is focused on one thing it'll immeadiatly go to Tom(my father), I dont know why, but it just happens and I get all glossy eyed apparently cause my mom was getting worried about how I was acting when I was deep in thought. When Im deep in thought I apparently come off as sad/depressed O.o. Anyways, He would pop into my head but I could never think of a certain thing, because theres so many questions, thoughts, and other things bouncing around when the thought of him comes up. Today I'll probably be all deep in thought, I'll try not to though, I wanna be happy, I am, but when I think about him its like a whole new level of a feeling. Whats even harder is that I know none of my friends know the feeling..

I was talking to my mom and she said that I didnt know what heartbreak was, and she said that heartbreak(the feeling) will go away. Then I responded that, well with Tom. And she said, thats different, that pain will never go away. Hahah it was rather depressing hearing that from my mom, but Im glad she was being honest about, I mean..shes right though, even when I do decide to talk to him, I'll still feel that pain, and I will for the rest of my life.

Blah, Must be happy hahha. Imma just finish my bowl of cereal, hop in the shower and make the best out of today....although hes in my thoughts now...

I stayed home today cause the instant I woke up my first thought after 10 minutes of total silence in my mind, was. 'I dont want to go today..'. Then somehow my body felt the same and got really hot and I got really tired and I fell asleep around 8 and woke up again at 9:30.--That was to explain for why Im posting before the afterschool bus' have barely left.

Anyways, Im listening to that song, I am human and I need to be loved.
That got me thinking about who I like, so might aswell break it down.

CASE-#1
Gender-Is a guy.
Status-taken.
Why I like-One of the first guys to treat me as a normal person, also we've had a very physical past. So those two make it automatic crush. Physical as in, hugs, grabs, certain areas being fondled, etc. Hes so nice, smart, a great guy in general, and holy christ. Adorable face, a body to die for, like the type of body that you see and sorta makes you want to just, stare at it all day, hes a soccer player so hes naturally lean, nice ass, yeah haha any contact with him is definatly...fun.
Possibility-Nope, in love with my good friend, they make eachother really happy and there really good together so I wouldnt dare attempt anything. Thus why Im careful about how much I talk/touch him, also he graduates this year. Boo. So I'll shove this one deep down so it doesnt surface. Although if he does become available, I'll make sure with the friend and then Id so go for him. But there happy so I'll forget about it =P

CASE-#2
Gender-Is a girl
Status-Taken
Why I like-Been friends since I moved here, we've had a very interesting past. Were best friends now, shes really really funny, her family's awesome. Minus the demon seed and beelzebub of a step-father.
Possibility-up in the air, even htough shes really happy, so I wont try anything. But she has a tendency to have odd relationships. And I can see that if I offered, she might feel the same. So...This one isnt top priority but its up there.

CASE-#3
Gender-is a Girl
Status-Taken
Why I like-Known her since second semester of grade 9. We started out as best friends from day two basically. We had crush's on eachother and we both messed up sicne she assumed it was someone else, and I didnt tell her it was her. Then I moved and when I came back in the summer before grade 10 we started talking,a nd saw a certain cheezy sky high film. Then after that we just talked and talked and talked. Shes great, wickedly funny, smart, drop dead gorgeous, and I basically would give anything to make her comfortable since she deserves it. We balance eachother sort of.
Possibility-top priority. Shes in a relationship, but she deserves alottt better. Im not sure if she actually has feelings for him still or shes still stringing him along. But either way, I really really like her.

Other Options?
My friend Sal has been asking me odd things, ages I prefer to date, etc. She basically stated that once she found out I was bi she has two of her guy friends that she could set me up with, I didnt really ask, but she wants me to give it a try. so what the heck. Two more possible crushes and maybe one may turn into a very interesitng relationship..hmm.
-

I noticed that my main crushes are all taken. Burn on me hahah.
I get to phone crush 3 at 5:30 my time =).
anyways ciao.

So after my birthday I Was sad, duh. Then life went on rather mildly, not much drama. Then last week was a 4 day school week and it zipped by. Not much drama besides the relationship department. a.k.a love. but I'll talk about that later. Then this week was pretty uneventful. Oh sometime last week I got my mom to apologize for what she did on my birthday. She said it wasnt her intention to toally ruin it. So everythigns ok with my mom now.

Latley Ive been sad for no reason. I dont know why though..well I have a theory, which is that its the pressure of life. At times I wont think of anything and Id think Im perfectly fine with life, but then all the things that are causing the pressure, flood on back. And like a pressure its swallowing me whole. Im not gonna be all. WAHHH LIFE SUCKS. sob sob sob. Cause Im not that kind of person. Nor am I going to be all depressed around my friends because when I talk or am around them, Im happy and those things disappear. Its only the really big things that would just make me depressed all day. but yeah, a few pressures are the pressures to Pass everything this year, and the pressure of graduating on time and going of to university. Then along with that is the choice on to stay here, or go to another university. I know it doesnt sound big but my mom has issues with me leaving. and I put it down to one thing. Which ever one has the best program, I will be going there. yeaah. So that was school pressure. Family pressure. Nothing but my dad. Im supposed to talk to him when I visit ontario next summer. and its on my mind alot just...cause..its been almost 10 years so I have LOTS of pent up rage and pain and disappointment and questions and yeah. Run on sentence much o.o..

Anyways, besides those pressures are the relationship pressures. I shouldnt have said Love, cause relationships and love are two completly different things in most cases. But yes, Im single, Im used to it, but its not that, I dont care wether I am or not. I havent really met anyone thats really..peaked my interest. And anyone that I would want to go after is already in a relationship so meh. Ive also been noticing people around me. I know it sounds ubver paranoid and self absorbed but I keep catching a whole group of people staring at me. Even at southgate!. I mean at school I'll turn around and a dozen will be staring right at me. And the worst of it is when they look at you and whisper. I know its probably nothing, but why are they staring directly at me?. BLAH. Then in french this guy on the other side, Id look up and see him looking at me. Then sometimes he'll be looking out the window. But usually its at me, and its over a dozen times in a class. How I can tell hes looking at me, almost everytime we make straight dead on eye contact. so Im just confused and curious as to what/why hes looking at me. Ive had many theories. Maybe he likes me, maybe he thinks Im a freak, maybe hes making fun of me, or hes just bored. I dont know but eventually I'll have to ask him, cause...having that daily will drive me nuts.

Also, this is gonna sound SO stupid. butt. I got a fortune cookie saying a unexpected visitor will bring you good blessings. So Im like. oooohmg. and usually my fortune cookies come true, well they all have. so Im like. EEE YAY. and Im not sure what kind of good blessings. and wether its someone I know already or dont know. then it says visitor so then theyd be leaving?. I dont know...but something definatly interesting is going to happen this year, I know that for sure.

Theres a few boys that make me automatically either melt or grin like a goof. I usually maintain my cool. usually. But yeah. see em everyday at school sometimes one on the bus. and...yeah, there really really really cuutee..

Then aswell I noticed. that again. I love Emma. and I can say love with all its meaning. but I can also say that for Kathryn. as in.. more then friends for me and Kathryn and me and Emma. I love them both so much. yet Emmas in a relationship and Ive hurt her already. Then Kathryn alreadys tated that if only I was there she would date me, but Im here. So basically. I love two girls that I cannot have.

ANNNND. sexualtiy is so wierd. I have days were Im either a fag/bi/straight. Basically its like a fence, and I either jump from one side to the other or I sit right on the fence. And basically almost everyday Im on the fence. so its official. Im bi. And being bi is REALLY confusing. just for the fact you could love a guy and a girl at the same time, and find them both attracting and yet the way I was raised was. YOUR ONE OR THE OTHER NO INBETWEEN. then there hypocrites and say. PEOPLE HAVE SOME GREY AREAS.ITS NOT ALL BLACK AND WHITE. so its like. wtf. and that messes me up more. But yeah. I currently dont have any feelings for a guy, just cause I really havent met anyone peaking my interest. and the ones that have, are in relationships already. But yeah I actually want a boyfriend, badly. I mean my past relationships have been all girls then in grade 9 Im like. woah...hes....hot? WTF!!!??. and yeah that opens this whole new realm for dating. I just want one for the sake of it, to dip my toe in the water so to speak.

BLAH. also Im apparently a manslut. a big one. and IVe been thinking about all that ive done and Katherine(another one) was totally right. and Im not sure if Im ok with it. then I remembered that its in the past and you cant change that.so I was better. but..Ive done alot, and yet Im sitll a virgin. and Im proud of that fact really. Ive had oppurtunities to have sex and whatnot but I didnt. I wasnt ready so who knows when I'll be. But techinically Im a half virgin since..I did help someone out. yes..manslut..

Oh and my body is changing. Im still slimming down. and htis time Im doing it healthy. Ive been working out, and running, and my body is slowly toning. so who knows byt he time I get to ontario I could be all...thina nd ripped and such. haha no. I wont but, I'll be fit ^^. Im so excited for everyones reaction! Im estatic really, like..will people be like. hey..you look good. or will they be like. HOLY SHIT O___O!. who knows. but either way Im excited ^^.

oh and Kazzie. I will love you forever and for always. your my longest known friend. Weve had our ups and downs and yeaaah. ^^ Im excited to talk to you soon. And yay for you and Madison =D!!

First two days of school were pretty rad. Today I got felt up twice by random people in the hall O.o..
Anyways..Just got off the phone with Kathryn :D!!.

Hahaha oh how I love that girl.
Me and her have been friends sicne gr.9 second semester. then we became best friends, and we havent fought ONCE. I wont jinx it though haha. ME and her have so many insides jokes its just Craaaazzyyy..

Like this phone call she was like. "YOUR MY SOULMATE!" and then I noticed something under my foot andw as like. "I HAVE MILK 2 GO!?". it was just wierd haha..and we made plans for next summer and and and Im so excited. Gives me something to really look forward to =).

Anyways in french we got three German transfer students who are from Frankford, or fromt he area close to frankford. thers Malte, uhh...forget the short one. Then Julian.
I noticed Julian specifically, dunno why. Maybe cause he wore bright colours =\. Anyways, hes really cute =o..Yeahhh cant help it haha. French was fun, but the stuff tehre teaching is refreshing but its disabeling sorta, like there teachings tuff I learned in like gr.4 to gr.6 or 7...so...Its definatly a refresher course =)..Mr.Babin is interesting ^^. Alexa is beside me, CArleys infront =D...umm..theres lot of gr.10s -.-..but oh well some of the gr.10s are so cute XD. theres this one girl thats like 4'9 or something..so short and so cute. never talked to her just saw her lots haha...Anyways Im off to shower =).

SEMESTER 1
Day one.
1st period- Science 10 ((With NESTILLE :D))
2nd-English((WITH JAMIE))
3rd-Math10-Alone haha
4th-French20((With CARLEY :D)

Day two
1st-Science
2nd-Spare :D
3rd-Math 10
4th-French
SEMESTER2
DAy one.
1st-Math 20 Applied ((Scott, Renee, lisa))
2nd-English((jamie still))
3rd-Science 20
4th-Social Studies

Day Two.
1st-Math 20 Applied
2nd-Psychology
3rd-Science 20
4th-Social studies

Thats My Schedule. :D. Id prefer if I had more people I knew in some of my classes though ^.^

k this would be my 20th entry. I think thats an accomplishment.

Anyways on with it.
Yesterday around 11:30 Jamie picked me up and then we got mcDonalds. mm. Then we went to her house and watched DOmino. Ya know with Keira Knightly, strange movie. Then we got slushies and talked for the rest of the time.

Today could be classed as a day where one would want to commit suicide.
Its just been hard, family sucks is all I shall say.

Theres not much to update. Im just excited for my brothers to leave...I know its not there fault..but ever since they came..its been hell cause of my mom.

Anyways Im gonna go. byee =)

Good lord Dreams are Wierd.

I just woke up like 10 minutes ago..
Most of my dream was actually sorta depressing. Like I was walking with my Brother Jeff and he just yelled and yelled and yelled and yelled at me about me being a failure and shit.
Then as were walking down a street, Gaylord comes walking down the street. But hes not normal size. If youve seen ghostbusters, the marshamallow man..GAylord was about half his size..and was walking down the street..

Then It was some mid 20 yr old..and I was ihm or something...and my brother was saying I was a failure and I walked onto the street and it was like. "What shape is the van after the last 3 cars?". I thought in my head...in my own dream. REctangle..then I was walking but not really and the west edmonton Mall bus came and BAM I was on the front windshield(I got hit by a bus in my dream)..and It stopped and I got off the window then the driver started up and I got hit again..and then again.

then I woke up o.o..

so yeah yesterday I phone Kathryn around 7..then I had to go..phone her around 8:15...then again at 9:30. I had to get off becuase of. Dinner...then my mom was just being a skankerpants. Anyways we literally talked till 12:00 AM :D

and Today I gots work..then once I get in I phone her =3.

anyways byee

I love my userpic.

Yay for fosters home for imaginary friends *heart*
pointless post? sorta, I relaly jsut wanted to state. I love it ^^.

Past while was pretty boring. Well before wednesday it was.
Anyways..WEdnesday I showed some people around the city..thursday was a disney movie marathon with Jamie, Carley, and the Kiminator. Twas awesome. Then friday was my first day of a job. The first four hours we just walked around cause they lost the stuff we were to use to sset up...so then we started at like..1:50 or 2 pm...and finished at like...3..And he gave Kim, Carley, Jamie and I 50 bucks each ^^.

Today was Jamies party. The wait before an event is usually pretty frustrating..anyways...Kim picked me up. She apologized for literally being two minutes late..haha shes such an odd girl. Then we went to Jamies, Ray was waiting..then Jamie came up, new hair and all. She looks good ^^. Then we went downstairs and people started to come. So then the party got underway and it was fun fun fun. Lots of laughing with Hillary hahahaa. We watched Rocky Horror picture show. YEY. twas awesome. It was a fun party hahaha.

Thens unday Carley and Veronika are *surprise* popping in so I can go out with them and escape =). Then monday is a rest day, then tuesday and WEdnesday are the last work days.
I asked my mom about this other Job Kims dad needs help with. She said ok. so Im still yet to tell Kim. Any money is good money.

Some people are really intriguing,the way they act, the way they carry themselves really.
Someone at the party, hes really intriguing, magnetic really.
And hes really..good looking..blah.
I dont know what it is about him, but through out the party, almost everytime I looked at him, which was a lot surprisingly. It was odd, Id look over and it didnt look like he just started to look at me, it seemed he was like..studying...me or something..I dont know. and out of the corner of my eye I could see him looking at me,a nd when I did look over hed smirk..which was cute... Im not saying it was bad, but it just makes him all the more intriguing. *shrug* I just kind of regret looking away so quickly..

Anyways yes, Hes intriguing, and I'll see more of him..

anyways. Kazzie I still love ya.
And Im done for the day..well..its sunday now..haha...but yeah..update that was much needed is over. kbye.=)

R.I.P.-A Friendship.
Your cold, heartless, and mean.
You also broke my heart.
You'll more then likely die
Alone, Cold, and scared.
You deserve every bit of it.


Im so sick and tired of the way you treat me. Ignoring me, putting me down, among many other things.
Im done, unless you Change immeadiatly.

10 Things I Hate About You

I hate the way you talk to me
And the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car.
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots
And the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick.
It even makes me rhyme.
I hate it...
I hate the way you're always right.
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh;
Even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you're not around
And the fact that you didn't call,
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you;
Not even close;
Not even a little bit;
Not even at all


I found this somewhere. and I know its from the movie. but its nice and sweet. So Im posting it here to keep it =).

I know I should update but Im to damn lazy.
Main things. Three days of work soon.
Brothers from Ontario are here.
School in a few weeks.
Lonely.
yadda yadda. there update hahaha.
anyways byee.

①. Pick your birth month.
②. Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you.
③. Bold the five-ten that best apply to you.
④. Copy to your own journal, with all twelve months under a lj-cut.
JANUARY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.
FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
MARCH:
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.
APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.
MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.
JUNE:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.
JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.
SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.
OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend.Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.
NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.
DECEMBER:
Loyal and generous. Sexy.Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

List seven of the songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your LiveJournal along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to.

Groove Armada-I see you baby(shaking that ass)(fatboy slim mix)- The song makes me dance, its super addictive to and yes Its upbeat and the lrics are basically that. I see you baby. shaking that ass. XD.
Britney Murphy-Fast Kill Pusscat- Its upbeat and gets me movin. Surprisingly britney murphy can sing pretty well.
Mobile- See right through me-Awesome song.
My Best friends WEdding-I say a little prayer for you-Its a great song, and its from the movie itself, sung by the gay dude. nice voice =). anyways it makes me think of a few people that I hold close so it makes me happy and bouncy.
Philosopher Kings-Hurts to love you- Good song, its upbeat even though its a tough love sorta song. I really like the guys voice.
Utada Hikaru-Sanctuary- I dont know how to describe it, it has many elements in it that just make it frikkin rock.
Custom-Hey Mister-Its dirty, and it makes me sorta mellow. Good Good Good Good song =D.

There done O_O.